


welcome to the team

by rottingbrains



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen, also jack and tosh . reallly arent involved., anyway, i just thought it was fun, ianto doesnt even show up...srry ianto, like i didnt even bother putting owen bc he has one (1) line, new recruit au, this is based on a tumblr post i made, thts not a thing but im making it one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:40:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26452756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rottingbrains/pseuds/rottingbrains
Summary: i. know its not very in character or that well written, i kinda just spewed it out in a burst of inspiration so i hope u enjoy sjkfdsj;kl
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	welcome to the team

**Author's Note:**

> i. know its not very in character or that well written, i kinda just spewed it out in a burst of inspiration so i hope u enjoy sjkfdsj;kl

“Look out!” 

  


Gwen whirled around just in time to see the oozing figure holding a knife above her, ready to strike. She jumped out of the way and quickly assessed the situation: the tracker had led her to an alleyway behind a secondhand bookstore, where there was something decidedly _not_ normal oozing from one of the bins. The alien was now advancing towards her again waving the knife- was it a knife? it was a bit hard to tell on account of whatever alien substance covered it- at her, and a bit farther behind that stood a young woman with a grim expression on her face, the one who had called out to warn her. _Should I use my gun? No, might not be a good idea, especially with that girl there- but I don’t want to touch the alien, it could be toxic-_

  


She circled the alien warily, and it made a hideous wet barking noise. _Don’t want to kill it, but it definitely seems hostile-_

  


It lunged at her and she jumped back, and at the same moment the woman jumped forward and tackled it to the ground, prying the knife from its hand.

  


“Oh my God,” Gwen said, “listen, you should leave now, I’m Torchwood, I can handle this-”

  


“Not even a ‘thank you’?” the woman asked, continuing to pin the alien to the ground. “I just saved you from this sick bastard, and you’re telling me to back off?”

  


“Listen, it- I mean, he, might be contagious, it’s not a good idea to be touching him.”

  


“Not as if I can just let him up again, can I? He might attack you again, call the police!”

  


Gwen sighed. There was something particularly exhausting about helpful people when _you_ were the one that was supposed to protect _them_. “Hey, Jack? I need backup.”

  


~~~

  


“Can we get chips to start us off? I’m starving,” said the woman as they sat down.

  


“Sure, yeah, whatever you want,” Gwen replied distractedly. Jack and Tosh had arrived, and, once she had known that the threat was over, she had gotten up and very enthusiastically introduced herself as Kayla. Jack had looked at Gwen, who had simply crossed her arms- _you deal with her, I went on the mission, you can handle it_ \- and then at Tosh, who had shrugged, and Jack had given Gwen a pointed look- _sorry, you’re on your own_ \- and said, “Gwen, we’ll take this guy back to the hub. Why don’t you take this lovely lady out to lunch?”  
Retcon. It really was the tidiest way of taking care of things- there’s a lot less that you have to cover up when no one even remembers what happened. She always felt a bit sick when she had to retcon someone, though, especially after-

  


“Would you like anything to drink?” she asked. “I’ll pay.”

  


Kayla looked up from the chips she was devouring. “Not really, thanks. Listen, I have a lot of theories about the guy that attacked you, I actually see a _lot_ of these mad people in- oh, I dunno, Halloween costumes or something- maybe it’s a gang!”

  


“Er- yeah, maybe,” she said politely.

  


“I mean, I swear, just the other day one of them tried to rob some old lady, and I thought, oh my God, imagine if that was happening to my gran! So I just kinda ran up and kicked them, and they ran off! Pretty cowardly for a gang member, though, maybe it’s something else…”

  


“They tried to _rob_ someone?” Gwen said incredulously. If it really was aliens that Kayla was seeing, it didn’t seem very likely that they would take up petty theft or robbery.

  


“Well, yeah, I’m guessing,” said Kayla. “I mean, just ran right at this poor old lady as if they were trying to bowl her over!”

  


“Hm,” said Gwen thoughtfully. The more she talked to her, the less she wanted to wipe her memory.“Er- have you gotten into the habit of rescuing people from these…costume gang members?”

  


“Hm? Oh, I suppose,” she said, reaching for another chip. “I mean, once you see one you start to notice them all, you know? It’s weird that they don’t really end up on the news.”

  


_Not really_ , thought Gwen. _Retcon is a hell of a drug_. “Yeah, strange,” she said. “Look, have you got a job?”

  


“No,” she said. “My mum always tells me I need to get one soon if I plan to keep on living with her- I mean, twenty-four and living at home, it is a bit sad, I suppose- but after getting fired it’s hard to find work.”

  


“Why did you get fired?”

  


“Oh, you know, I talked back to my boss a lot, the usual.”

  


“Hmm. Listen, Kayla, I might be able to get you a job. Are you up for having lunch again tomorrow?”

  


~~~

_“Please_ , Jack,” she said. “I know she can do it! She’s already had experience, for God’s sake, she just doesn’t know they’re aliens yet!”

  


“She’s got a point,” said Tosh. “Who knows what would’ve happened if she hadn’t showed up?”

  


Jack folded his arms. “We can’t just hire every person in Cardiff who comes across us when we’re dealing with aliens.”

  


“Isn’t that how we got Gwen?” Owen called from the other side of the room.

  


Gwen considered being offended, but then remembered that she was trying to make a point. “Exactly! And she actually helped, all I really did was bring you pizza.” She had obviously done more than that, but for the sake of argument-

  


“Jack,” said Tosh. “You _know_ we’re understaffed. How often is it that we get this opportunity?”

  


“Fine,” he said. “But on one condition: we only take the best, and she needs to be capable of figuring it out herself. No one can tell her we work with aliens, she can find out on her own; then she can be an _official_ member.”

  


~~~

And so the trial period began. Kayla had been delighted at the job offer (“You’re not even going to interview me? I just get the job?”) and even more amazed upon entering the hub.

  


“This is incredible! A whole underground base dedicated to protecting Cardiff from- wow, these people must be a bigger problem than I thought- has your ceiling got _dinosaur_ decorations?”

  


Her first day on the job was successful. So was her second. On her third, she came to Gwen with a question. 

  


“Hey, so, er, that one guy in the basement-”

  


Gwen sighed. Jack had a habit of making things a lot harder than they needed to be, and this was the perfect example. She racked her brains for a possible explanation, but was saved from having to answer when Jack entered the room. 

  


“Her name is Janet, actually.”

  


“Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to assume anything, but, I mean…you just keep her locked up down there? That can’t be _legal_ , can it?”

  


“You mean _we_ keep her locked down here. You’re part of Torchwood now.”

  


“I appreciate the… community sentiment, honestly! My last job was shit, my co-workers were all rude, I really do like it here- but it does seem a bit harsh-”

  


“Janet,” Jack said, leaning against a desk, “murdered someone.”

  


“Oh-” Kayla exclaimed. There were a few moments of silence, and then: “Wait, she’s kept her mask on this whole time?”

  


“What do _you_ think, Kayla?” he asked, turned around walked back into his office.

  


Once he was gone, she looked around the room and met Gwen’s eyes. “What the hell is going on here?”

  


“I’m sorry,” Gwen started, “but I really-”

  


“Here,” Tosh said, handing her a file. “You might want to have a look at this.”

  


Gwen smiled at her gratefully. Jack would forgive them.

**Author's Note:**

> it started off being kinda a crack thing but i GENUINELY like what i wrote now. like before it was v wacky, like haha how long can they go without realizing its aliens and i honestly would pay to watch a sitcom-like thing where torchwood hires someone who genuinely has no clue whats going on but when i wrote this i was like oh :')


End file.
